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Puffy Chair, The (2005)
IMDB rating: 6.30
Plot: Josh Sagers drives cross-country on a mission to deliver his father’s birthday gift - a giant purple LazyBoy.
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Directors: Duplass Jay
Actors: Duplass Mark,Wilkins Rhett,Duplass Larry,Finnegan Gerald,Barendse Henry,Parsons David,Alvarado Jose Manuel,Gonzalez Daniel,Leighton Bill,Whalen Jim,Comedy,Drama,Romance,
What do you think of the first chapter of my story?
I am hoping to continue this story, but I’m waiting to hear what other people think of it before I do. It’s a little bit long, so I thank you if you take the time to read it.
In the dim firelight, the full moon outside my window seemed to become more prominent then usual. I smiled, my eyes still puffy from crying, as I remembered the days when Mom and I would go out into the backyard whenever there would be a full moon, to watch the big ball of light in awe. But as I got older, and my mother became more tired, we had done it less often.
Now, as I sit at the wooden desk propped up against my bedroom wall, I promised myself that the next time there was a full moon, I’d ask my mom to go out to the backyard with me, to watch the moon with me, to lay at my side in the dewy grass, to wrap her arms around me if the evening air made me shiver. But not sure that I would ever see her again, the possibility of that happening was slim.
My hand reached for the letter that I had received this morning. I haven’t had the chance to read it yet, wanting to wait until I was alone to open it. Finally, I pushed my finger underneath the seam of the envelope, ripping it open and pulling out the sheet of crumpled paper inside.
I recognized Mom’s neat penmanship almost immediately. Anxiously, I read the letter out loud. "Dear Lilly," I began, hearing Mom’s voice in my head. "I miss you horribly. I’m so glad I finally got the chance to write to you. Our schedule is pretty tight. I got your last letter, and to answer your question, no, I’m not handling the guns."
As I read the words, I let out a sigh of relief. No guns. I continued with newly restored hope: "My job is to take care of the soldiers. Make sure they are well fed and tend to any of their wounds. By the way, I don’t think there’s one person that doesn’t know your name! All I’ve been talking about is you, you know.
"So, how’s Grandma and Grandpa? You are cooperating with them, aren’t you? Remember, I don’t want you to give them any trouble. And has Grandma been taking her medicine?
"Well, I hope your able to respond. I love you! -Mom" As I finished reading, I walked over to my dresser. Opening the drawer where I kept Mom’s letters, I placed the sheet of paper in there with the others, where they would be safe. Sometimes, I would read them over again whenever I would miss Mom, and most of the time they would calm me down.
I closed the drawer and rushed back to my desk. As I sunk back into my chair, I tore a piece of lined paper out of the notebook I kept on the right side of my desktop, as far away from the lit candlestick as possible. Then I grabbed my pencil and pressed the dull tip against the paper. I wrote in the neatest handwriting I could manage:
"Dear Mom, I miss you, too. You don’t know how glad I am to know your not actually out there, fighting. I’d be so worried. Grandma and Grandpa are good. They miss you as much as I do, I’m sure. I’ve been making sure Gran takes her medicine. She can be a little picky sometimes."
I grinned, remembering the time that Grandma had not wanted to take her medicine. Insisting that she didn’t need it, Gran stomped around the house in her slippers chanting, "No, no, no!" But after a while, she had come back to her rocking chair, exhausted. "What’s taking so long, Lilly? Where’s my medicine?" Gran had shouted.
I kept writing, my pencil making a grinding sound as I did so. "Anyway, I love you so much. I wish you were here now. Love, Lilly" Just as I was about to reach for a new envelope, I turned my pencil over so that my eraser was facing the paper. I rubbed out ‘I wish you were here’, then, without brushing off the eraser shavings, I wrote:
"There’s a full moon out tonight."
So what do you think? Please, any constructive criticism is greatly appreciated. I’m also still thinking of a title, if you have any ideas. Thanks again!
Well, actually, this isn’t really the first chapter. It’s part of the first chapter. I’ll make the rest later.
Hey Arielle,
A very well done! I’m impressed, keep it up! 
A few lines in particular which I really liked;
1. To watch the big ball of light in awe
2. To lay at my side in the dewy grass
3. I recognized Mom’s neat penmanship
4. In the dim firelight.
SOME TIPS;
As a writer myself, when I’m working on a novel (Despite it becoming tedious) I realize the importance of re-writing each paragraph once or twice. In doing this, vary your vocabulary and use of sentences (Short, complex etc). Have a play around with it, and then decide which one you like the best. It’ll help you develop your writing.
PLAN;
Before commencing your novel, ensure you know well how you wish it to start, climax and end. True fact: The last chapter of Harry Potter was written by J.K Rowling in 1990!
Long before some of the complete books!
As for titles; How about Firelight or Stargazed, something that correlates well to your novel? The title isn’t very important yet, you may even wish to decide on it as late as the last chapter.
Best wishes Arielle…
Char
